Writer’s Block – An Indescribable Curse

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”                                                            F. Scott Fitzgerald

Well, hello again. That’s right, it’s been a while. I only managed one post since my last promise that I would update this blog regularly. And it was almost two years ago! I can only offer yet more inadequate excuses and apologies. What am I pointing the finger at this time?

Writer’s block.

Go ahead, laugh, but it’s true. During my fairly intense senior year of college I lost almost all motivation to do anything creative. All I had to focus on were useless exams, pointless projects, and the inescapable feeling that my life wasn’t going the way I wanted it to.

Not that I was feeling depressed. More like ambivalent towards life in general. I sank into an apathetic state where the only thing that mattered was getting through one more day with as little effort as possible. I’d been swarmed with so much schoolwork, and real work, that I simply couldn’t put forth the effort to care about anything else. I just went with the flow and told myself I’d do something worthwhile tomorrow, I’d finish the articles in my drafts next week, I’d make the most of my last year of college every day until graduation.

Looking back on it now, I certainly wish I had done those things, but it wasn’t realistic. I simply had too much going on, and while I don’t think the year could have really gone much better, I still feel that unavoidable nagging feeling that I could have continued writing if I’d tried a little harder. Maybe, maybe not. I didn’t feel capable of it at the time.

After graduation I went out into the workforce like so many other fortunate ex-students and became a student of the intimidating real world experience. I have learned a lot over the past year (almost) and I continue to grow in many ways. However, the one thing I always had in the back of my head was “why don’t you get back into writing?” The thing I love enough to be a hobby but don’t hate enough to make a career.

Today, a Saturday morning almost an hour after midnight, I’m taking that first step. I’m recalling the fun times I spent writing in my youth (which I still have, gol’ durnit) and returning to it so I can feel the same peace of mind I had when I wasn’t too busy to sit down for a few hours and hammer out an article about a new cool thing I discovered.

I’ll try to keep it up, something I’ve said a thousand times, but the advantage of having a salaried office job is that I have weekends off, which means a regular, guaranteed amount of free time to focus on the things I love.

So most of my attention will go to the Rose, naturally (love you, sweetie!). But maybe, just maybe, I’ll clear out my drafts folder and write some intriguing new stuff for you all.

Time will tell.