Day 36

Strrrawberry-Kiwi. Hard as a rock, about as tasty as one. Nearing the end of this bag of fusions, I don’t think I’ll get another, even though the fruit-themed jokes have been interesting. It would be cool if other flavor sets had consistent themes to them, other than the them they all seem to share of sucking.

Attempted murder? The first thing I see for this week? And it’s the punchline in a joke? For shame, Wonka.

Y’know, it shows my lack of fruitical knowledge that when I read this, I wasn’t even sure if there was such a thing as a blue mango. But upon googling it, I found that not only are they a rare Indonesian variety, but you can also buy them from the same IndiaMART that sells that strange laptop costume from last week’s Taffypost. the more you know.

Day 37

Sour apple – soft, chemical, you know the drill. It would probably be the second-worst of these three flavors if Strawberry wasn’t so miserably hard to chew most of the time.

Alas, we ran into another half-duplicate today. The first was a repeat of our lovely vampiric blood orange joke, which you know I loved reading again. As long as one of the jokes isn’t a repeat, I’ll use a wrapper.

An acceptable answer would also have been “anywhere.” Controversial opinion of mine perhaps, but anywhere I’m going shopping, I don’t want to see dogs. Or poorly-behaved children, who are much the same thing.

Day 38

Trying to thin out my Banana hoard but somehow it’s not working – as of today I’ve had 9 of them, more than any other flavor, and yet they continue to multiply like rabbits… or viruses.

I suppose this could be, but what is speech but a way of vibrating sound waves in such a manner that another individual can understand you? If that’s the case, then when you’re talking to another person over the phone, the phone’s components are the ones manipulating the sound waves to create intelligible speech. Perhaps there was never another person on the line at all. Perhaps the phone has learned how to mimic your friend’s voice and is now trying to convince you to come to a remote location to pick him up from his broken-down car…..

A joke my father would appreciate, considering he is part cow (true!) and also comes from a generation that might have called a cell phone a “mobile”.

Day 39

Hmm, cherry or strawberry… let’s do cherry, I want to keep my teeth intact today.

Killing a large group of ants does emit a curious odor, one I would say is not even close to the best an insect can smell. That said, the bar is fairly low. Maybe I just haven’t come across this “deodor” variety, but I highly doubt it’s better than their more common cousins that plague my yard.

What’s with the ant focus? Not something I want to think about when eating sugary sustenance. Vile insects. Also that almost distracted me from the fact that this two liner breaks the cardinal rule of this type of jape – it has both key words of the punchline in the question! Literally “Why queen antsy? Because queen ant.” Seriously?

Day 40

Well well well, a kind benefactor graced me with a package delivered today, and what do I find but a bag of a hitherto unexplored flavor. Blue Raspberry! Something new to track on my flavor spreadsheet (yes, juicy data recorded throughout the year to make charts out of, my favorite). Thank you, nice try

Well I find this highly amusing, but not for the reason the author intended (maybe?). Any time spent with a clock is face-to-face time. And time in general doesn’t need a clock – though we could really get into the philosophical weeds here, debating whether time exists if there’s no one to measure it. I’d rather not though, and just give this “joke” a failing grade. Don’t see me after class.

Okay, pretty decent. A little alliteration, appropriate synonym mixing, solid punnage – definitely not the worst Wonka has offered me.

Day 41

I feel the only way to honor the previous day’s gift appropriately is to finish out the week strong – all blue, baby. Blue Raspberry that is.

Sadly, it seems as though these were manufactured at the same time as my main bucket – there is a repeat joke on this wrapper. It’s the bananas liking splits one we debunked earlier. Sickening. I’m starting to fear that there may not be enough jokes to carry 365 days – crazy considering they’ve been making these since the eighties. I might have to go on eBay to find vintage flavors – clearly I haven’t endangered myself enough yet, time to find out if Laffy Taffy can expire.

Day 42

My girlfriend circa 2012. ^{ba dum tss}

It’s been a pleasure, reader(s). See you next week.

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This has been February 5 – 11 of my journey through the Taffyverse. You can catch the rest of it in a chronological list over at the index.