My Year of Laffy Taffy: Days 43 – 49

Day 43

A soft start to this week with some banana. Good to get my daily serving of fruit in.

Ahh, scented candles. I recently purchased a neat candle warmer resembling those vintage flower lamps that are making a comeback these days, and it’s not only pretty but also a superior melting method than actually lighting the wick. A nice even melt that really gets the most out of the candle’s aroma.

This joke isn’t bad either.

And here I thought the joke would be “a cold”. Pretty sure that’s the original answer. I wonder how many other good responses there are to this? “Feelings” is another good one.

Day 44

Strawberry, my old friend. We’ll see who prevails at the end of the year – you, or my teeth.

This is a scary thought. One made scarier by the fact that the first image that pops into my head when reading this joke is Seinfeld in The Bee Movie, a D-tier animated romp that I fortunately haven’t seen in totality but its prevalence in internet meme culture has nonetheless forced me to be intimately familiar with.

Okay, the author of this joke has definitely never been in a chatroom. Sure, taken at face value maybe their joke is correct on a literal level, but never have I seen the human divide more clearly than in internet forums, chatrooms, and comment sections. United they are not!

Day 45

Blue raspberry! I was just taking a short break from it, but I’m back. I’m not huge on the flavor in most candies, but it’s pleasantly mild and surprisingly not very tart in its taffy form.

Bit of a head scratcher. “ooo-gles” it looks more like ogles, and nothing is less funny than a lecherous baby. Is “ooogle” a sound babies make? I’m familiar with “goo goo ga ga” and it’s noisier cousin “WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH” but ooogle I have not heard.

Also babies can’t use computers. C’mon, Wonka, this is embarrassing.

Schizophrenic bee whispering to the inanimate, non-living food it spends its whole life producing. Just put the hunny in the pot, little bro, don’t be having a mental break about it or imagine a romantic connection where none exists.

Day 46

Sour apple! Been a minute since the last one of these, I believe it was on… oh, Day 37. Of course, I may have snuck some extras that had duplicate jokes on them, but who’s counting…

Questionable setup. Why a school and not something that would take advantage of the word “pod”? Or is pod shorthand for school? I doubt it. Absolute F-tier joke, because they also use the word pod in the question and the answer. Failure.

At first this joke enraged me mightily, but then a way for the author to escape the death sentence did occur to me. Obviously it doesn’t seem to make sense because of all the celestial events this writer could have picked, an eclipse is specifically the one time that the sun and moon will never be hiding from each other. The thing that makes the eclipse an eclipse is that there is nothing between the two, not even the Earth.

Howwwwever, the question doesn’t explicitly state it’s the sun and moon playing only with each other. The Earth could be included in the game, in which case the sun could partake in hiding from us, for a brief moment. Not the moon though. Joke still sucks. This wrapper shall be burned and stricken from the historical record.

Day 47

It’s not looking good for this series, folks. I ventured out to buy some new Laffy Taffy, as I’ve found an overwhelming number of duplicate jokes already in my original tub of 145, as well as the other bags I’ve acquired. I’m starting to think there isn’t enough content to carry me through 365 days. I’ll persevere as long as I can, of course, but finding a duplicate on the wrapper of an entirely different type of taffy, as well as it being a different flavor, doesn’t inspire confidence.

Today’s flavor is Mystery, specifically a mystery swirl of two flavors. Well, on opening it I can’t say it’s that much of a mystery. Can you guess what one of the flavors is?

Spoiled surprise aside, the apple-grape blend was actually really good. I somehow haven’t been able to find grape taffy yet even though I’m pretty sure it was one of the most common flavors during my whole lifetime of eating it. I think they swapped it out for strawberry.

The first joke was the “hurricanes have eyes” classic from day 18. Let’s hope #2 is better, and not like… #2.

I’m shocked that it wasn’t some pun based on the splits. For that reason – and that alone – it scrapes by with a pass.

Day 48

More banana. To the average blog passerby, it would be forgiven if they thought that banana was my favorite flavor. The true devotees know the truth, however: I’m just a masochist.

What? If I’m satisfied with something, I feel like I’d consider it better than “average”. Based on the standard they seem to let writers get away with these days, I feel like it would have made more sense to commit that vile sin of using the same word in question and answer, and have the question be “Where are satisfying things made?” Atrocious, but it would somehow be better than whatever this was.

Okay this one redeems the wrapper. That was a close one, it was almost time for another writer guillotining.

Day 49

Finally, made it to the end of another week. Sorry for the late publish on this one, sometimes it’s a struggle just livin’, you know? I’m sure these jokes will make everything better…

THERE IT IS. Can’t go a week without a stupid banana split pun can we?

Maybe, maybe if you’re a caveman? Or have an IQ of 6, the same as the writer of this joke. Vile, atrocious, hateful words. This made a blood vessel in my head twitch. Probably the worst wrapper I’ve seen yet. Laffy Taffy always finds a way to hit rock bottom and then dig several feet deeper.

Nevertheless, it’s been a pleasure like always. Thanks for joining me on this traversal of jokeland.

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This has been February 12 – 18 of my journey through the Taffyverse. You can catch the rest of it in a chronological list over at the index.