It is with a heavy heart that I announce this. Though my time providing you all with interesting and sometimes bizarre content has been enjoyable to say the least, I’m afraid that this letter I received from my overseers at WordPress.com has put the nail in my coffin. I’ll let you all read the words that I did early this morning, as I rifled through my e-mail inbox for Groupon deals, Viagra offers and spam to delete. Well, it was fun while it lasted!
April 1st, 2015
Mr. Houser:
This CEASE AND DESIST ORDER is to inform you that your actions including but not limited to making boring posts, irritating your readers with lame stock photography, and consistent lack of creative and original thought in every word you type have become unbearable. You are ORDERED TO STOP such activities immediately as they are a gross misuse of the tools we intend to be used by people that are actually good at blogging. We pride ourselves on maintaining a site that can be looked up to by future generations of bloggers and your blog is an atrocious inkblot on our crisp, perfect website.
Again, you must IMMEDIATELY STOP these unwanted activities and delete your site promptly, or else we will do it for you. You also risk incurring some very severe legal consequences if you fail to comply with this demand.
This letter acts as your one and final warning to discontinue this unwanted conduct before we pursue legal actions against you. To ensure compliance with this letter, and to halt any legal action we may take against you, we require you to fill in and sign the attached form and mail it back to us within 10 days of your receipt of this letter. Failure to do so will act as evidence of your infringement upon our right to have good writers and bloggers use our service, and we will hunt you down mercilessly.
Sincerely,
Preston Wordsmythe
Founder and Chief Censor, WordPress
The second page of the message was just a form that said “1f y0u 4r3 4 n008 l053r, 51gn h3r3.” Not sure what it meant, perhaps a cryptic final jab at my blog? I really don’t understand all that legalese anyway.
April the First be with you!
Cineri Gloria Sera Venit 